I don't believe it's wise to put your real name out there on the internet for the whole www to see....and potentially use for whatever they might us it for. So I'll just introduce myself as one 1/2 of a couple. And as such you can call me Mrs. Couple. My husband, I'll refer to as Mr. Couple.
I am an American expat living in Australia, and have done so for the past..**counts on fingers**.. 2,857 days, or 408 weeks and 1 day, or we could just simplify and say almost 8 years.
I met my husband online. Hey--don't laugh! Probably 1 out of every 5 couples I meet nowdays have met their spouse or partner that way. We'd both registerd on a singles site, that was North America based, but did allow for a few overseas countries, like Englad, Scotland, and Ireland. Also Germany, which wasn't surprising considering that we still have military personnel stationed over there. Almost every service man and woman I know has been stationed in Deutschland at some point.
One of the most interesting things in how we met, is that Australia was not one of the countries listed in the drop down boxes, but he'd managed to register anyway. When I did my search for guys with my critieria in my area, not much came up. So, I widened my criteria in the age category by allowing for guys within no more than 2 years younger than me, and left the location blank. And Mr. Couple's profile was the only one of the lot that "spoke" to me......until I saw he was located in Australia. Australia? I remember thinking, That's a bit far out of my reach. Talk about a long distance relationship. But something about him just kept pinging at me, and I could shake off the 'what if'.....
....which is the other really interesting thing about how we met. About a month before we met, my grandmother--during a conversation where I was wailing about my love life, or lack thereof, and she was doling out her usual Grandma's-endless-positive-spin-on-everything views--my Grandma said that my soul mate (actually she used the term 'true love' but I digress)was out there, somewhere, and that I'd meet him, when I was meant to. And that maybe I'd have to go halfway round the world to find him. Me, the endless pessimist, was all, Yeah yeah Grandma, if you say so. And I filed that suggestion in the back of my mind.
So when his profile came up and after I got past the distance factor, I remembered that conversation.
Now I must admit that I a believer in a lot of things. I believe in ghosts, spirits, poltergeists, and haunted houses. I believe in love at first sight (in person) and now I believe in love at first sound (more on that later). I believe that just because you can't prove something exists, doesn't mean that it doesn't--it just means you haven't found it yet. So.....I'm only mostly sure there aren't any unicorns.....but you never know and I keep an open mind about these things.
Another thing I believe is that some people can communicate with the dead, that some people can see "into the future" or have strong preminitions. I think the rest of us, have that too, but only in short bursts, and not that often. I think my Grandma must have had one of those bursts of clairvoiancy that day. And she didn't say I'd have to travel around the world to find Mr. Couple. She just said I might have to go around the world. And I believe I did, just through the internet.
But people see what they want to see, so who knows.
The point is, that struck me hard enough to make contact with Mr. Couple. First we exchanged a few emails. Then we did online chatting for a bit. Then we advance to telephone. And, for me anyway, it was love at first sound. I love his accent, but I loved his voice even more. We spoke on the phone every single day (night for me, mornig for him). He made the calls, because Australia has a GREAT international calling plan with Telstra, and I sent him money to cover the costs.
After a week, I'd decided I was going to Australia, and I knew I would never return home again, accept for holidays.
I landed in Melbourne, the morning of 14 February 2004. Yes, Valentines Day. That was NOT planned, but again, I think it's just fates way of putting it's 2 cents in. I'd just picked the first date that far enough away for me to pay off my bills and save up some money.
I came on a tourist visa, good for one year. I could come into Australia as many times as I wanted on that, but I could only stay for 3 months at a time.
Anyway, I arrived, and it was a little weird at first. It took a good 6 weeks to settle in, during which time there were some pretty intense moments, but that for later posts.
At the time he was a dairy farmer, and so I submerged myself into his lifestyle, which was completely different from what I knew, but I took to it like a duck to water. 3 months later, we decided to get married, and on 21 June 2003 we did, in an extremely modest ceremony, where I wore my sisters wedding dress from her failed first marriage, and he had a hired suit. It was the bare minimum of everything, but we had everything we needed, follwed by a fantastic backyard-BBQ-reception at his parents house.
People still say it was one of the best nights they ever had. My family--bar my mom--weren't there. It was short notice, nobody could arrange the time off to travel, and then of course there was the cost. My plan is for us to renew our vows on our 10th Anniversary in my home town in Kentucky.
In our 7+ years together, there have been a lot of ups and downs. In the early years, we struggled financially. At one point it was so bad, that we'd sold everything worth selling to pay the mortgage, and were probably not going to be able to pay the next month. His brother rocked up with bags of groceries, because we had nothing in the house, and no money to get anything. It was dire.
We chose to look for opportunities in the mining industry in Western Australia, prompted by a friend of Mr. Couple's who was doing really well. We swallowed our pride, and begged and borrowed enough money to finance Mr. Couple's trip to start work. And we never looked back.
Now, we're doing really well. Infertility aside, we've had a very good run.
This blog is not necessarily about infertility, but it's not NOT about it either--hence the title. I do believe that: that 2 is a couple and that 3 is a family. We are a couple. There are only 2 of us. We don't have children, so we are not a family, in that particular sense of the word. As in, we don't have our own family, made up between me and Mr. Couple.
My battle with infertility was a war that waged for 7 years, and it came to a head this past year, in the early part of 2010. This time last year, I was ready to put a gun in my mouth, actively planning my demise by my own hands because I couldn't bear it any longer.
But, amazingly enough, an incident happened, (future post) and I finally came through the worst of it, and now have mostly accepted that we won't be having any children. We are no longer trying, and no longer pursuing treatments--a whole other blog in itself really--and I have to say we are both much happier for it. I am no longer in the throws of depression over it, and we haven't fought or done much more than bicker since. I don't die a little more every time I see a baby in a pram at the shops. The pregnant woman with other kids in tow no longer cops a hateful glance and even more hateful thoughts. I dont feel hatred, bitterness, and rage against those who have children or fall pregnant.
Actually, I feel nothing, really, other than the odd fleeting moment of melancholy. It goes away as fast as it comes on. Maybe it's just flashbacks.
After so many years of bargaining, pleading, begging, and finally cursing God for not allowing me to have the only thing I ever really wanted, I no longer feel anything. Maybe relieved I am no longer in that prison? I've been given a reprieve, a second chance to create and have a happy life. I still think it's a shame that Mr. Couple and I won't ever be parents, but it is what it is, and I can't change it. We don't qualify for adoption--something that DOES still have a bitter taste that leaves me, well, not enraged, but really annoyed and disgruntled--and so there is nothig else to do but take advantage of the positives of not having children.
Anyway, I guess this is a longer post than I really intended. I should learn to temper my chatterbox-ness and learn to put together a decent story. But I guess that's what a blog is, right? A place to say what you want to say when you want to say it?
;)
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